


Home After Dark

by Ninalb



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Violence, Double Penetration in One Hole, ER (Emergency Room), Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Gang Rape, Hallucinations, Homelessness, Insecure Love, Love Bites, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, No Beta, Not being Conscious of Another Person's Needs, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overdosing, Possessiveness, Robotripping, Rough Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tickling, Trust Issues, Unfulfilled Needs, Unrequited Love, anger issues, unwanted sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-10-22 01:37:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17653553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninalb/pseuds/Ninalb
Summary: Tom couldn't stand the saddened look Tord was giving him. He laid his head back down. He just wanted to enjoy this moment before he hightailed it out of there. But Tord had warned him that the streets were dangerous. That's where people like Eduardo roam.Trigger Warnings in the disclaimer in the first chapter. Read tags carefully before you read. Characters are not to be affiliated with the real people.





	1. Disclaimer

Disclaimer:

This story is not meant to romanticize any abusive relationships, alcoholism, drug usage, or suicidal thoughts or feelings. If you are in a relationship that is abusive, please get help. Treating another person like that is unacceptable. Being dependent on alcohol or even a drug to make a situation better isn’t healthy or safe. Although it can seem as if you are in control of your usage, it often ends up controlling you. If you have a problem with drugs or alcohol please reach out to get help. This also goes for the same if you are dealing with suicidal thoughts, feelings, or just feel depressed. There is always someone willing to help if you find yourself in a bad place.

If you have problems with these trigger warning, I advice not reading this story as it goes in depth into these problems. Trigger Warnings will be listed in the chapter notes at the beginning.

The characters in the story aren’t in any way related to those in real life.

Also, I’m the only one who spellchecks this book. Well, me and grammarly. Just let me know if there are any issues with the story and I’ll be more than happy to correct it. Feel free to leave me a comment on whether you like it or not. I’m always happy to hear from you guys.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abusive Relationship

The sky was pouring rain as Tom trudged along the streets. He shivered, taking off his hoodie, wrung the water out of it, and tied it around his waist. His ‘stay safe’ t-shirt underneath wasn’t much drier but he didn’t feel like walking around half naked. He turned right at the end of the street, cursing under his breath as he stepped in a puddle soaking one of his checkered sneakers. His usually spiky hair fell around his shoulders, weighed down into a dripping mess by the water. He stopped in front of an apartment complex, finding the door with the number 165 written above the doorway. He climbed the 3 or 4 steps in front of the grey door lifting his hand up to knock.

Tom sighed, he wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t ignored Edd’s warnings about almost constantly drinking, partied way too much and failed in college, still drank way too much, gotten into one too many arguments with Edd and then gotten kicked out of his previous roommate’s flat. He hated finding himself on these grey steps but he always found himself back here when shit got hard. He would rather have spent the night on the streets but he didn’t want to caught hypothermia. He knocked a couple of times, waiting as he heard the sound of footsteps.

“Hey, baby. I was wondering when you were going to come back.”

“Hey, Tord,” Tom sighed hating how pathetic he felt.

He looked up to see that Tord was leaning in the doorway, eating a piece of toast while dressed in a grey tank top and black sweatpants.

“I’m sorry,” Tom murmured, looking away from him.

“Aren’t you always,” Tord grumbled but he stepped aside.

Tom took the invitation and stepped through the doorway. Tord moved away from the door letting it swing shut. Tom stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do.

“Are you going to just stand there dripping a puddle in the middle of my floor or what?” Tord asked finishing off his piece of toast.

“Er, sorry,” Tom said as Tord ushered him into the bathroom.

“Take a shower or something. You smell like shit.” Tord gagged dramatically before leaving him alone.

Tom avoided his reflection in the mirror as he started the shower. As the water heated up, he slipped off his shirt along with his pants, covers, and hoodie and left them in a pile. The stuck an arm into the water and sighed contentedly as he stepped under its spray. He washed his hair with shampoo and conditioner, scrubbed himself down with the soap, and stood under the water for an extra 10 minutes. He stepped out feeling refreshed. He noticed that Tord had left him a fresh set of clothes and a towel as well as taking his dirty laundry.

Tom dried himself off putting on the grey jeans, black belt, a blue t-shirt with a stupidly happy yellow smiley face, and an oversized red hoodie that Tom would have sworn Tord wore every day if he hadn’t seen that he had more than one. He hoped Tord had checked his pockets before throwing his clothes into the wash. He had a good $20 in there. He stepped out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam rolling behind him. It had been a week since he’d had been able to get clean. And boy did it feel nice.

Tord was sitting on the couch, watching something on TV. He had his arm around the back of the couch. Tom knew he was supposed to sit right under it. His stay wouldn’t exactly be free. When he sat down next to Tord, said arm draped itself over his shoulders.

"You know I've missed you, Tomme," Tord cooed.

"Ya, I've missed you too," The words were well rehearsed.

Tord beamed leaning over to press a kiss to his temple. 

"We should take this to the bedroom," Tord purred his Norwegian accent dripping into the sentence. Tom used to love the sound of his accent.

Tom nodded and let Tord scoop him up. Tord dropped him on the bed and flashed him a grin.

"I literally just took a shower," Tom gripped.

"Good to know you're clean," Tord smiled cheekily.

Tord ran his hand up the inside of Tom's leg. He pulled Tom's pants down and threw them over the side of the bed. Tom's boxer's and Tord's pants followed suit. Tord grabbed Tom's dick and gave it particularly painful squeeze making Tom bit his lip. Tord chuckled and Tom realized that Tord wasn't going to be taking it slow tonight. Tord pulled out a bottle of lube from the drawer and slicked his dick up. Tom sighed, the sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could go to sleep.

Tord climbed over Tom and started sucking a hickey while he pushed into Tom. Tom hissed his toes curling as the stretch stung. Finally, the head popped in and Tord finished leaving his first of many marks on his body. Tord jammed his hips forward forcing the rest of his dick in. Tom gave a particularly loud moan, fingers digging into Tord's back. Tord cut him off, sticking his tongue into his mouth as he mashed their lips together. He ran his tongue along the inside of Tom's cheek and as far down the back of his throat as he could. Tom gagged but Tord didn't let up. 

Tord pushed him down further into the mattress, rolling his hips a couple of time. When he finally let up, a thin line of saliva connected their lips together before breaking. Tord started sucking another hickey onto Tom's shoulder.

"Ahhhh, Tord?" Tom groaned, trying to shift his hips but Tord was keeping them trapped under his, "Can you move please?"

"I'm almost done," Tord hummed, starting another hickey.

Tom reached down to touch his dick but Tord caught his wrists and held him above his head.

"Ah, ah ah," Tord cooed, "Be patient."

"Please? I can't, I-" Tom whimpered.

Tord let out a laugh, "You're so pathetically cute."

Tord wrapped his arms around Tom's waist and started to plow into him. Tom couldn't help but whine as the stretch stung and Tord stuck to finger into his mouth. Tom started to suck obediently and Tord gave him a hum of approval. The warmth in Tom's stomach was building rapidly and he started to pant and groan. Tord rolled over so that his back was on the bed and Tom was lying on top of his stomach. Tord drove his hips upwards and Tom moaned as he hit his prostrate.

"There! Hggh, harder," Tom moaned.

Tord obliged and bounced Tom up and down on his dick letting out a couple guttural growls of pleasure. He bit down on Tom's shoulder loving the way that it made him squeak. He left several more bite marks up and down Tom's shoulders, bitting a little too hard on the last one as he drew blood. He held Tom down as hard as he could rocking his hips upwards as he chased the warmth in his stomach. Tom's breathing was hitching so Tord knew he had to be getting close. Tord pumped Tom's dick a couple times and his orgasm hit him. Tord fucked him straight through it, finishing almost right as the last few waves of Tom's orgasm came. The two panted, Tord rolling the both of them over so they were laying on their sides. 

"God, I've missed you," Tord murmured.

" _He means the sex,_ " Tom thought, wincing as Tord pulled out of him.

He excused himself, took another shower, and got dressed. When he got back, he saw that Tord had cleaned himself up as well. He patted a spot in the bed right next to him. Tom clambered over to him gasping slightly when Tord pulled him down, cuddling him to his chest as if he was a teddy bear.

"Goodnight Tomme," Tord said turning out the lights.

* * *

 

When Tom woke up the next morning, Tord's arms were still wrapped possessively around him. He couldn't help but feel trapped in the embrace. He needed to get free just so he could have enough room to breathe. Tord lifted his head as Tom was trying to untangle himself from him.

"Where are you going?" He mumbled sleepily, pulling Tom back down.

"To the bathroom," Tom lied.

Tord lifted his arms and Tom rolled out of the bed. He watched as Tord fell back asleep before quietly exiting the room. He needed to get out of here before Tord woke back up. He headed to the dryer pulling out his clothing. He changed back into his clothes, folding Tord's neatly and leaving them on top of the washer. He gathered a couple of bottles of Smirnoff, tucking them into a brown paper bag. He looked around one last time before heading for the door. The rain had thankfully stopped and Tom stepped outside. He took a deep breath of fresh air, loving how clean the world smelled after a good rain. Tom froze as he felt a hand wrap around his wrist. He was yanked backward and the door was slammed shut.

"Just going to the bathroom?" Tord spat, grabbing Tom by the collar of his hoodie.

Tom hated how easily he could be man-handled. He slipped out of his hoodie and stumbled back a couple of steps.

"Wait, Tord, don't get mad," Tom sputtered, raising his hands up.

"Don't get mad?" Tord asked, stalking closer, "Don't get mad?! I come out here to see what's taking you so long and you're sneaking out again!"

Tord pulled a bottle of Smirnoff out of the bag and lobbed it at Tom. Tom dropped to the ground, narrowly missing the shower of glass and alcohol. He backed against the wall as Tord closed in on him. He was grabbed by the back of his hair and dragged, yelping, back into the bedroom.

* * *

 

Tom sat at the kitchen table, an ice pack pressed to his eye.

"I'm sorry," Tord murmured in his ear, "You know I just get mad."

"I know," Tom sighed, leaning away from him.

"You know I just want you to stay, right?" Tord asked, taking a seat next to him, "Being out on the streets is dangerous. I'm just worried."

Tom sighed again leaving the table and heading to the couch. He could hear Tord following him and he growled under his breath. The guy couldn't understand what wanting some space was.

"Thomas."

Tom grit his teeth. He hated being called by his full name and he knew that Tord knew that. He folded his arms angrily across his chest as he turned around to face Tord. He was about to tell Tord to leave him the fuck alone but he paused when he saw his face. Tord looked frustrated even though he was trying not to show it. Tom swallowed his sentence not keen on starting another fight. Almost as if Tord could hear him giving up, he smiled sweetly and opened his arms. Tom trudged into them.

"I love you," Tord hugged him. 

He frowned when Tom didn't respond. Tom squealed as he started tickling him, dropping the ice pack.

"No! Tord hahaha! NO!" Tom laughed, "Stooop!"

He wiggled out of Tord's embrace, slipping free. He tore away from Tord laughing as he was tacked onto the couch. Tord tickled him a bit more before the two lay on the couch. Tom smiled as he caught his breath. He lay on top of Tord with his ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Tord laid his arms around him but this time Tom didn't feel like he was trapped. He felt like he could almost want to stay. Like he could love Tord like he used to. He looked up at Tord who was staring down at him. Tord gently ran his thumb around the edges of the black eye he had given Tom. Tom couldn't stand the saddened look Tord was giving him. He laid his head back down. He just wanted to enjoy this moment before he hightailed it out of here.


	3. Chapter 3

When Tord had fallen asleep, Tom slipped out of his arms and crept away from the couch. He picked up the brown bag of Smirnoff wincing as the two surviving bottles clinked together and the paper crinkled. Tord rolled over in his sleep but otherwise, didn’t awaken. Tom let out a sigh of relief. He opened the door slightly, slipped out between the crack, and gently shut it behind him. Then he was sprinting through the parking lot. He knew that Tord would be heartbroken to wake up and find him gone. He would also be furious. If he were lucky, he would never see him again. If he wasn’t, he was probably as good as dead.

Tom ducked into an alley, panting, hands on his knees as he stopped for a moment to catch his breath. He pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff, cracked it open, and chugged down a couple of mouthfuls of it. This tongue slipped lazily around his lips before he wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. Ahh, alcohol. The only thing that that always seemed to be there for him. He sauntered out of the alleyway feeling the familiar warmth of the alcohol in his stomach. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the $20 that had survived the wash. His flask was also still in his hoodie pocket and he dumped the rest of the bottle into it. It was his favorite flask and the only one he still owned, but it had also been given to him by Tord. He threw the bottle into a nearby dumpster, taking a sip from his flask.

There were some nearby cafes for him to eat at, some that were reasonably cheap she could stretch his money. He went into one called Mary’s and was seated at a table for two. The waiter asked him what he wanted to drink and he got some water.

“Well, if it isn’t Tom,” A man in a green shirt and light grey pant said.

Tom raised an eyebrow. He seemed to run into this problem a lot. People always seemed to recognize him, I mean, the black eyes were a dead give away, but he never had a clue who they were. Looks like he was going to be using just pronouns again.

“Heard you got yourself kicked out of Edd’s house,” The man smirked.

Ahh, his name was Eduardo. There was only one man who was that annoying. Eduardo took the seat across from Tom, grinning at him. Tom sighed and prepared to have his appetite spoiled. Oh well, at least it would make the money last longer.

“Hey, I’ll pay the bill. It’s the least I could do,” Eduardo said.

Tom was a little surprised. Back when he lived with Edd, the man was a complete asshole. Maybe it was just because he disliked Edd that he was so mean to Matt and him.

“So how life been treating you?” Eduardo asked sipping his cup of diet cola.

“Uh, rough, but I’m making do,” Tom hummed.

The waiter came back around to collect their orders. Tom just ordered pancakes, eggs, and bacon.

“Where’ve you been? I haven’t been seeing you hanging out with Edd.” Eduardo remarked.

“I’ve dropped out of college. It really… wasn’t my thing. I’ve been hanging around Tord a lot,” Tom replied, looking up as Eduardo choked on his drink.

“So it’s really true,” Eduardo said after he had cleared his throat, “You’re going out with Tord. Damn, I remember when you two hated each other. You guys always seemed one step away from slitting each other’s throats. I can’t believe you are serious.”

“Uh, I wouldn’t say we are exactly going out,” Tom mumbled as the waiter came around with their platters.

“Oh,” Eduardo said, nodding a couple of times.

The two went silent as they dug into the meals. Tom kept his composure and didn’t eat like he hadn’t had anything for the last two days. He did occasionally take a sip from his flask, washing down his pancakes with vodka. The waiter came around with the bill and Eduardo slipped his credit card in.

“Say,” Eduardo paused to wipe his mouth with his napkin, “If you don’t have anywhere to be tonight. You can hang over at my house.”

Anywhere to be meant anywhere to stay and hang out probably meant have sex. Tom would have usually been replaced by the idea of sleeping with practically a stranger but the streets had taught him not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“What day is it?” Tom asked like he actually had somewhere to be.

“Saturday,” Eduardo said, signing the receipt.

“Ya, I’m free,” Tom shrugged.

“Great. I’m heading back there right now,” Eduardo said, pulling out his phone and sending a couple of texts.

Tom followed Eduardo out of the cafe.

“Hop on,” Eduardo said, stopping in front of a motorcycle.

“Uhh,” Tom had never ridden on a motorcycle.

“What are you waiting for?” Eduardo asked tossing him a helmet.

Tom buckled the helmet under his chin, kicked his leg over the side of the motorcycle, and wrapped his arms around Eduardo’s waist. Eduardo smiled back at him cheekily and Tom rolled his eyes. Eduardo started the motor, backed out of the parking space and took off. Tom held on tight, each turn Eduardo made felt like the motorcycle was about to flip over. It felt wobbly and unbalanced compared to driving a car. It seemed like they couldn’t arrive at Eduardo’s apartment soon when. When they did, Tom was glad the ride was over. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Eduardo unlocked the door and hit the elevator button. The doors opened and the elevator took them to the sixth floor. They made their way down the hallway, Tom almost bumping into Eduardo when he suddenly stopped in front of a door.

He unlocked it and held the door open for him. Tom walked into the room noticing the two other guys in the apartment. He took an uncertain step back, dumping into Eduardo.

“Tom,” Eduardo said pushing him forward, “You know Mark and the other is my friend, Todd.”

“Supp?” Todd said as the two stood up.

Tom wasn’t liking the feeling he was getting so he casually tried to reach for the door. Eduardo grabbed his wrist, flashing him a toothy grin, “Come on Tom. We’d love to hang out with a friend of Edd’s.”

Fuck.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape
> 
> If you don't want to read this chapter, feel free to skip it. You can still continue reading the story without reading this chapter.

“Oh fuck me,” Tom growled under his breath.

He was pretty sure they were going to do just that. Being plowed by three strangers was not worth a night in a warm bed. He tried to pull away from Eduardo but the man spun him around and caught him in a headlock.

“Come on guys, I’ve gotta go,” Tom sputtered.

He tried to yank his head out but Eduardo squeezed harder and started choking him. Tom clawed at Eduardo’s arm but Mark caught his arms and tied them behind his back. Tom hated how he was smaller than the average man. This always gave other guys the advantage because they could easily push him around. Back in college, nobody would mess with him because they knew he wasn’t afraid to fight. But now, neither were these guys and they knew that had him beat.

“HELP!” Tom shouted, coughing as Eduardo tightened his choke hold, “Hel-!”

Tom’s shouting died off into a whisper as Eduardo completely cut off his air supply. His chest felt like it was about to pop, he could hear his heart beating in his head, and his vision was blurring.

“You only get to speak when spoken too. Otherwise, I’ll have to keep holding you like this,” Eduardo sighed as if he was Tom was a stubborn child.

He let up and Tom heaved in breaths of air. He was starting to feel nauseous but at least the pounding in his head was fading. His moment of trying to catch his breath ended when Tom felt someone pull his pants down to his knees. He doubled his struggling, fighting so hard that Eduardo had to use his second hand to make sure he couldn’t escape.

“Aww, Thomas, what’s wrong? You scared?” Eduardo teased cackling as his two friends joined in.

Yes. Tom was terrified. He felt like he was about to cry. But a part of him stubbornly refused to let them get the satisfaction of making him cry. He felt a hand rest on his back as someone gave his ass a squeeze. Another pair of hands ran up the back of his thighs.

“He looks so cute like this” Tom heard Mark say behind him, “Maybe we should send a picture to Edd?”

“I”ll show him the before and after photos the next time I see him,” Eduardo snickered as Tom heard a camera go off above him.

He couldn’t let Edd see him like this. It was humiliating. Edd would probably come looking for him too. How would be able to face his friend after knowing he had seen him like this. Tom grit his teeth as he felt Mark push in from hind. His hands were digging into the divets of his hips as Mark started at a fast pace.

“Ohh, he’s tight,” Mark commented, “Tord must have a small dick.”

The two snickered. Tom’s legs were shaking, the stretch burning in his ass. He was trying to get free, twisting back and forth. Tom jolted as Mark hit his prostate, biting his lip to suppress a moan.

“Come on, moan for me whore,” Mark demanded, aiming for that spot again.

He rammed it again and again, Tom’s legs struggling to stay up as tremors shook through them. Tom kept his mouth clenched shut. Determined to get Tom to make a noise, Mark slapped him on the ass. Tom sucked a breath in but refused to give in.

"I gotcha," Todd called, walking behind Tom.

Tom watched him until he left the range of his vision. Mark stopped thrusting and Tom waited in silent tension. He felt a cold hand wrap around the base of his dick. Todd started off with a tight squeeze, just enough to make Tom feel uncomfortable. 

"Hit 'em," Todd demanded and Mark thrust his hips forward hitting Tom's prostrate again.

Tom squirmed as Todd squeezed tighter. It was starting to get painful. It continued like this for another 6 rounds, until Tom could swear Todd was about to squish his dick. His legs were shaking even when Mark wasn't thrusting. So when Mark jammed his hips forward again, Tom couldn't help the low moan of defeat that trickled out of his mouth.

"Ehhey," Todd and Mark cheered, high-fiving.

"Hurry up," Eduardo grunted.

Mark resumed thrusting into Tom as Todd walked around in front of him. He pulled down his pants and took a step towards Tom. 

"Open wide, buddy," Todd snarked.

Tom was helpless as his jaw was forced open and Todd pushed his cock into his mouth. Two hands found a firm grip in his hair and Eduardo let go of him. As Mark thrust forward, he would push Todd's dick further down his throat. Tom gagged, tears springing into his eyes. The two rock him back and forth between them. They both ended up thrusting in rhythm as they sped up, getting closer to coming. Tom had given up on fighting as it had only proven to make things worse for him. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he couldn't stop gagging and felt as if he was suffocating. He could only wait for them to finish and hope to get some time to breathe before Eduardo took his turn. He looked over to see that he was sitting on the sink, phone in front of him, probably videotaping the scene so he could brag to Edd or maybe masturbate to it later. 

Tom could only stare at the phone; it wasn't like he could do anything to stop Eduardo anyways. The two gave a final thrust forward and Tom was forced to swallow most of Todd's cum if he wanted the breath. He groaned as Mark then Todd pulled out, dropping Tom to the floor. Tom pushed himself to a sitting position, wiping his mouth on his shoulder as he looked up at Eduardo. He slid off the sink and crouched in front of him.

"Who's a pretty boy, Thomas?" Eduardo cooed, pinching his cheek.

Tom was going to snap at his fingers but he figured that it would be more trouble than it was worth.

"Fuck you," Tom spat only to be backhanded by Eduardo.

"Don't worry, I will." Eduardo chuckled as Tom growled at him.

"Anybody want to go for a double?" Eduardo asked.

Tom's eyes widened in a panic-stricken look. He tried to scramble away from Eduardo only to hauled towards him.

"Ohh, me," Todd waved his hand.

"Pass, I've got to get going soon," Mark hummed, scrolling on his phone.

"I had fun," Mark smiled, "Maybe I'll see you again."

Tom glowered at him but otherwise didn't respond. He watched as Mark headed for the bathroom, most likely to clean up. Tom twisted in Eduardo's grip as he hoisted him up. He took a deep breath in to scream but Todd socked him in the stomach. Tom whined as the air was knocked out of him. Tom noticed his chance and bit down hard onto Eduardo's arm.

"Ow! Fuck!" Eduardo yelped, dropping him,  "You bitch!"

Tom scrambled into the next room, using his head to push down on the handle and locking the door behind him with his teeth. He could hear Eduardo cursing outside the door. He turned around and noticed that he had locked himself in the bedroom. There were a couple of windows but Tom wasn't too keen on climbing out from the sixth floor. He was trapped. Tom jolted as the handle jigged before the sound of a key being inserted cut across the room. Tom scrambled to the door, pressing his back up against the door and locking his legs against the wall. He felt the door slam forward but he was able to hold the door shut. There was a slowly increased pressure on the door and Tom grunted as his legs were slowly started to bend. Suddenly, the door was flung open and Tom tumbled forward barely avoiding behind hit by the door. 

He yelped as he was kicked in the ribs. He was hoisted up the arms, and tossed roughly onto the bed. Tom made to get back off but he was pinned down by Todd as Eduardo pulled his pants off.

"Wait, come on guys," Tom pleaded, "We don't have to- I can't- I'm,"

Tom wished he was with Tord again. He wish he had just listened to him. He wished he hadn't left. He wished for anything but this.

"Don't look so sad. I'll make sure to give you a good time," Eduardo smiled, pinning Tom's shoulders down on the bed.

Tom whimpered as Eduardo shoved himself into him, rolling over onto his back. Todd positioned himself behind Tom, using his fingers to stretch him wider before pushing in a well. Tom let out a low groan of pain, sobbing as the stretch was just too much. He felt as if someone had just impaled him in the ass with a fire stick, the burning pain was so bad. The two started to move, making Tom stiffen as it only made the sting worse. He bit down on his lip, hating down Eduardo leaned over and suck a hickey onto his upper back. The ones that Tord left were still visible and he wasn't keen on having to wear the marks of what happened on his body long after this affair happened.

Tom almost screamed as Todd pushed him down, forcing their cocks deeper into him. The other two groaned, while Todd started to jerk him off. His dick twitched interested in the friction rubbing up against it. Tom fought against the growing arousal, clenching his teeth as the two settled into a medium paced rhythm. Tom could only listen to the lewd sounds of flesh hitting flesh and roll with the thrusts in order to make it less painful. 

"Come on, is that the best you got?" Eduardo challenged Todd.

"Don't you wish," Todd shot back.

Tom groaned as they upped their pace, having a litteral pissing contest while fucking him. He was pretty sure they were both trying to make each other come first at he expense of him. The rubbing wasn't helping Tom's case either. It felt as if they were trying to give him a rug burn from the inside out. Tom could only sigh in relief when Eduardo came first and Todd gave him several quick pumps that hauled him over the edge. His clenching pushed Todd over his edge as well and in a couple of minutes, they were all finished. Tom was so sore that it hurt just when hey pulled out. Tom kept his legs together although it was difficult as they the equivalent of wet noodles. He heard a camera go off and turned around to see Eduardo holding his phone again.

He turned to show it to him. In the 'before' picture, Tom looked terrified, eyes white as the other three posed around him. In the 'after' photo, Tom just looked sad and defeated. His hair was ruffled into a crazy mess and he looked exhausted. Tom could only feel empty and disgusted with himself. He looked pathetic in both pictures. He had let this happen to himself. He should have just stayed with Tord but no, he had to ignore him and leave anyways. It was his choice to run out onto the streets and this was what he got for doing so. He needed a drink. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

It turned out that Eduardo passed out quickly after sex. Tom was tempted to stab him to death with a knife but his fight-or-flight instincts kicked in. He needed to get the hell out of here. He was almost immediately at the door, trying to get out. It was locked. Tom almost started crying right there and then. He was trapped in the apartment, his ass was sore as hell, and now he was going to have to face Eduardo when he woke up.

"Keep it together," Tom told himself, "There has to be a key. It's just one apartment. It's gotta be in here somewhere."

Tom headed back into the bedroom. He started rummaging through the drawers, tossing things out haphazardly. He was trying to pull open the fourth drawer when it let out an ungodly screech. Eduardo sat up muttering curse words under his breath. He looked over at Tom who was pressing himself as far back from Eduardo as he could get, eyes white with fear.

"You better get your ass over here before I drag it over." Eduardo threatened and Tom trudged over to the bed.

"If you wake me up one more time, I swear," Eduardo mumbled, rolling over. 

Tom breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe if he couldn't find a key, he could try to find his phone. He searched the rest of the drawers before searching through all of the cabinets in the living room. Tom came up empty-handed. He sighed his frustration, kicking the couch as he passed it. He couldn't do this. He was going to be stuck in here forever. He looked out the window and stared down at the ground six floors below him. It might be his only way of escaping. One way or another. He turned away from the window, pulling out his flask. He stared at his morphed reflection, black eye, hickeys and bite marks all up and down his neck. Was this who he was now? A pathetic whore whose only friend in the world was his alcohol. Tom could stand the sight of himself and chucked the flask to the other side of the room. All he wanted was to get drunk, to drown himself in alcohol until he couldn't feel anymore. But he knew that it was just a lie he told himself to drink. It never ended up making him feel better. Especially when he sobered up. The last thing he need was to be inebriated. 

"Think, think," Tom looked around the room. 

Tom headed to the door, inspecting the lock. If only he had taken the time to learn how to pick one. But he would have never expected to end up in this situation. He turned around as he heard Eduardo trudging out of the room. 

"You make a lot of fucking noise," Eduardo grumbled, yawning.

"Let me out," Tom spat, pulling his arms up, ready to fight.

"Piss off," Eduardo shoved him and Tom swung at him.

He clocked Eduardo in the chin, grinning. Eduardo growled, kicking him right in the nuts. Tom went down with a muffled whimper, as they started to throb unhappily. The pain moved into his stomach as he grit his teeth, forcing himself back onto his feet. Eduardo was bent over, rummaging around in a cabinet. He pulled out a pan and set it on the stove, turning on the fire.

"Have a seat and try not to act like a dick," Eduardo hummed, pulling a couple eggs out of the fridge.

"Not act like a dick!?" Tom squawked, "You literally trapped me in your fucking apartment!"

"Oh come on," Eduardo sighed, "Don't act like you didn't want it."

"What?! Wait, what?!" Tom picked up one of the eggs and threw it at Eduardo.

"Fuck you," Eduardo grunted, wiping the splattered yoke off his shirt, "Stop being a little bitch. I paid your bill. You really didn't expect it to be free, did you?"

Tom grit his teeth. Eduardo looked about ready to shank him with a knife so Tom took a seat at one of the kitchen stools. Eduardo started whistling a grating tune while cooking. He whipped up a couple of scrambled eggs, dumping them on a plate in front of Tom.

"Can I leave now?" Tom droned, just wanting to put as much distance between him and this place as possible.

"You can leave after I get one more 'time'," Eduardo flopped onto the couch, turning on the TV.

"No, fuck you. I don't want to," Tom spat, tempted to dump the eggs over Eduardo's head.

"Well, I'm keeping you here until you do," Eduardo hummed, "Face it, no one's looking for you."

That's it. Tom stormed over to Eduardo, slamming the plate over his head. He marched off to the bedroom ignoring Eduardo's cursing even though it was making him slightly nervous. He slammed the door behind him, throwing himself onto the bed and bursting into tears. He covered his face with a pillow to muffle the noise. Maybe he should just get it over with. Eduardo was probably right. No one was looking for him. Edd, as well as Matt, thought that he lived with Tord and Tord probably thought that he had just run off again. And if he never returned, Tord wouldn't think much of it. He was tired, he just wanted to get out of here. 

"Tonight," Tom promised himself, "Tonight I get out of here."

 

Tonight rolled around much faster than Tom wanted. He spent the whole day watching each second tick by, dreading the setting of the sun. When the time came around, Tom could see the predatory glint in Eduardo's eyes. He kept looking at him, watching as he paced around the house, unsure of what to do.

"Just get this over with," Tom told himself, "It's just like a one-night stand."

"Not really," His brain chided, but he ignored it.

"Let's go," Tom sighed, watching nervously as Eduardo rose from the couch.

They both climbed into bed as Tom pulled off his belt, watching as Eduardo did the same. There would probably be no foreplay nor stretching, this was Eduardo they were talking about. Tom let Eduardo lean over and kiss him before picking him up and position him over his cock. He could only let Eduardo press his hips down, sinking onto his dick. He closed his eyes as Eduardo fucked him, focusing more on the sensations that were rolling through his body rather than the circumstances. He allowed them to overwhelm his thoughts so that he couldn't think about anything else besides feeling the feelings. Tom opened his eyes right as Eduardo finished, hugging him tight to his chest. Almost immediately afterward, Tom disappeared into the shower, scrubbing himself down. He was pulling his clothes on when he heard the door open. It sounded like the front door. He slipped on his pants and bolted towards the door. He underneath Jon who squeaked in surprise, dropping his keys. 

He leaped into the elevator and spammed the 'close door' button. He anxiously watched the doors close. He breathed a sigh of relief when they did. It took him a moment to realize that he had left his sneakers and hoodie in Eduardo's house. But he wasn't going anywhere near there anytime soon so they were as good as gone. When he got out of the elevator, he could hear Jon shouting at Eduardo from the sixth floor. He hoped Jon gave Eduardo an extra tongue lashing for him. He needed to get away from here, he'd focus on where he was going later.

He turned left, wandering down the street. He didn't have any money, his alcohol, his beloved flask, and now any shoes. He felt awkward walking down the street in his socks so he ducked into a random alley. He needed to figure out what the hell he was going to do. He wasn't going back to Tord's, he couldn't face Edd, and he didn't have any money to rent a night to stay. He didn't have any real parents to turn to. He had been in the system ever since his Dad was shot by a bear. He was so fucked. Maybe it would just be better to disappear from this world altogether. 

"Hello, new neighbor!"

Tom jumped back, ready for a fight. It turned out to be a crazy looking man in the dumpster that they had been leaning on.

"Er hello?" Tom said back.

"What are you doing here?" The guy asked his green and red eyes staring down at him.

Tom couldn't help but feel unnerved by them. 

"Nothing," Tom sighed, "Just got kicked out of my friend's plat, complicated with my ex, and..."

Tom felt like he couldn't breathe. The walls of the alley seemed to be too close. They loomed over him, blocking him from the light of the day. He was trapped! There wasn't enough for him to even brea-.

"Psh," His 'neighbor' spat getting Tom's attention, "Who needs a friend when you've got rat puppets!"

He pulled out two dead rats dangling on strings. Tom recoiled away from them. Their eyes had been removed and poorly stitched closed with who knows what. The strings had also been sewn to their head and legs making them bounce with the movement of the crazy man's hands. Tom needed to get out of here. He tore out of the alley but still couldn't get rid of the trapped feeling. Everyone and everything was too close to touching him, he could feel invisible hands ghosting up and down his body. Tom ran through the streets, trying to get away from his panic feelings. But he couldn't escape. He ducked into another alley, tripping over a garbage bag. His chin slammed into the concrete and the cement bit into his palms, leaving them stinging in protest.

Tom gasped, taking a moment to orient himself. He pressed his palms to his chin, breathing heavily. When he brought his hands back down, they were covered with blood. But it wasn't the biggest of his problems. His biggest problem was that he couldn't get away from his problems. He couldn't get away from himself. This must have been some fucked up sort of karma for all the shit he's done in his life. Tom's stomach decided to riot and tom lurched over a nearby trash can, puking. He sunk back down to the ground, the beginning of a pounding headache starting. He must be starting to go through withdrawals. He needed some alcohol fast. At least he'd be able to drown out today and not have to worry about the worsening symptoms tomorrow. Or maybe he'd just go out doing the thing that he loved. Then he'd never have to worry about his next drink again. It wasn't like he was any good at anything else. 

He shivered as a gust of wind blew. Since he had nowhere to go for the night, he might as well make himself at home. He built a 'house' out of cardboard, newspaper, and a stick. It only made him feel worse. It emphasized how shitty his situation truly was. It looked pathetic. He was pathetic. Maybe if he wasn't so busy being drunk, he might have learned some skills to help him in this situation. But he highly doubted it. The world didn't particularly seem to want to give anything anyway. Especially a break. 

His head was starting to pound so he laid down. He started shaking not soon after, and he wasn't sure if it was because he was cold or it was another symptom of withdrawals. Probably both. He could only lay there, a victim to his own thoughts. He felt dirty and used. That he was just as valuable as a used condom. Would anyone even miss him if he just disappeared? Maybe Edd, Matt, and Tord but they'd get over him quickly. They'd keep living their lives and he would become a distant memory. The question of where was Tom? would be swallowed up like a shout in the howling wind of time. Tom felt a hollow, empty tiredness weighing in his chest. It was exhausting to keep breathing.

The question of why he kept doing so followed every rise of his chest. Nobody would ever want him, need him to exist. He didn't even want himself. Poor broken Tom, tossed out with the trash. With everything else no one wants. He should just head to Tord's and drown himself in a drink. Or several. It was settled then. He'd just accept the blunt force of Tord's anger when he returned. At least it would be different from the constant bombardment of his thoughts. At least he could get a drink.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abusive Relationship
> 
> Happy Valentines Day!!! I hope you know how much everyone loves you and you let all the people you love know!

Tom walked all night back to Tord's house. Sure, he had taken a couple of wrong turns and gotten super lost at one point. But eventually, he got to a place he recognized and was able to continue his journey. It was about 4 am when he got to Tord's doorstep. Ahh, his old friend the grey stairs. He couldn't help but always himself back at the bottom of them. This was stupid. He was stupid. But he was sick of feeling his feelings and there was no way to change what had happened to him. Therefore, there would be no way to improve his feelings; the only thing that could take them away was his alcohol. 

He could remember the good old days in high school when he was still a kid, how he had put so much work into those four years. How he still had a future in his reach. How he crashed in 12th grade, started drinking his loneliness and despair away. How is adoptive 'parents' kicked him out of the house right on his 18th birthday. Happy. Fucking. Birthday. Edd had let him stay with him and his parents. They were nice to him but only reminded him of what he never had. He barely graduated. He was lucky he had outstanding grades from the previous years so that colleges still took interest in him. But he never really got his feet back under him. 

Then there was Tord. He knocked him off his feet literally and metaphorically. Their personalities clashed at first; both were hot-headed assholes. Their hatred for each other started over something so meaningless that Tom couldn't quite remember what it was. All he knew was that Tord was messing with him and had gone way too far, his feelings got hurt, and they got into a huge argument that night. Hurtful words were exchanged between both of them and they never really resolved the conflict. From then on, they started knit-picking each other until they eventually got fed up and duked it out much to Edd's dismay. 

But their relationship changed when Tord found Tom crying on his 18th birthday. His foster parents were all the family he had left and they wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Sure, he wasn't perfect; his drinking problem was starting to show and he had gotten into quite a few fights with other kids at school. But he thought they would always be there for him. He would learn later that they were just the first of many people who would let him down. Tord gave him some awkward comfort, sitting with Tom until he cried himself to sleep. They never really did talk about that night. But it was the start of their relationship.

Ever since then, they were kinder, gentler, and silently there for each other when things got too much for the other. Then they started starting dating much to everyone's surprise. But what stayed in their relationships were fights, the clashes that left them with bloody noses, black eyes, and bruises. Tord also beefed up in the early years of college. Tom stopped initiating fights as he found himself walking away from way more injuries than Tord. They fought a lot less but it never truly went away.

Then he got kicked out of Edd's flat. He was devastated, feeling betrayed by one of the only people who had been there for him throughout his whole life. He was listless, dealing with severe trust issues, and seemingly unhappy with everything Tord offered to him. They were falling apart. They started fighting a lot, physically and verbally about almost anything. Tom got fed up and started leaving for days on end, sometimes waking up in other people's bed. That especially pissed Tord off. If he wasn't hitting and screaming about his infidelity, it was about how he was going to end up giving him an STD. They never truly broke up. Tom just started leaving and tried not to come back unless necessary. It was obvious that Tord still loved him. Evident by the way he kept letting him back into his life. Tord probably hoped that one day he could convince him to stay with promises that he would be better. And maybe Tom took a slight advantage of that. He could always go running back to Tord when shit got hard. But it was never really free; he had to pretend that he still loved him. He truly was an awful person — the scum of the earth. But if you couldn't walk, you might as well crawl like a champ.

Tom put on a blank face and knocked on the door. He waited for a bit but he couldn't hear any footsteps and the door remained closed. Guess Tord finally got sick of him. He turned away from the door, heading back down the grey steps. He didn't get to turn around as he was grabbed by the arm, dragged back up the steps, and hauled into the apartment. Tord quietly closed the door behind them as Tom made an awkwardly long amount of eye contact with Tord. His silent, reserved anger was terrifying. Usually, Tord was never silent about his frustration, let alone anger. So to see him so quiet and so angry was terrifying. 

"Not even going to say anything huh," Tord hummed, crossing his arms over his chest.

What could he say? Tom opened his mouth but Tord interrupted him.

"Lemme guess," Tord continued, "I'm sorry. How many times are we going to end up right back here?"

Tom couldn't give him an answer. Tord sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I just... I can't even with you right now," Tord was walking away from Tom, heading to his bedroom.

He just left Tom staring in between the door and the apartment, alone. Tom didn't even know what to do, how to respond to his anger. Shouting was much easier. You just shouted back. There was no questioning what to do. So Tom did the thing he knew best. He headed for the kitchen cabinet, pulling out three bottles of Smirnoff. He headed to the bathroom, chugging the first bottle of the way there. He leaned against the rim of the bathtub, rolling the bottle in between his hands. Back and forth, back and forth, drink. Back and forth, back and forth, drink. Back and forth, back and forth-

"Thomas!"

Tom flinched at the sound of his full name. The last time he had heard his actual name, it was coming from Eduardo's mouth. No, he was okay. He wasn't in Eduardo's apartment anymore. He was okay now. So why didn't he feel okay? Tord stumbled into the bathroom, his grey eyes narrowing as he took in the sight before him. Tom was now slumping against the toilet as he slowly lost his coordination, surrounded by bottles of vodka.

"I can't believe you," Tord hissed, "The first thing you do when you come back is drinking yourself into oblivion. Pathetic."

Tord emphasized the last work by taking the bottle of alcohol from his hand and dumping the rest of it down the sink.

Tom frowned, "You're wasting good alcohol."

Tord whipped around glaring at him. He grabbed the other two bottles and threw them to the floor. They shattered, vodka splashing all over the bathroom floor.

"Are you done throwing a tantrum?" Tom asked, swaying slightly as he stood unsteadily next to Tord, surveying the destruction of his drinks. 

He knows that he shouldn't provoke Tord's anger but he always says nothing. He can't take any more shit right now. He's falling into a pool of apathy. He couldn't care what happened right now. Did it really even matter anyway? If Tord wanted to ask like a baby, then the least he could do was listen to Tom complain about it. 

Tord scoffed pulling a towel off the rack and tossing it at Tom.

"You. Clean this up." Tord demanded.

"But I didn't even make the mess," Tom grumbled.

Still, he started to wipe off the floor as Tord left the room. Tom collected the pieces of glass into a pile before heading out to find a brown paper bag to sweep them all into. He came out of the bathroom to see Tord dumping bottle after bottle of Smirnoff down the brain. He knew he shouldn't have felt the panic-like feeling that tightened in his chest. It was only a couple of drinks after all. They weren't that important. But it was so hard to watch his only means of escape washing down the sink.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Tom growled, stalking up to Tord.

"I can't stand your drinking problem," Tord spat back, sliding the empty bottles into the trash.

They cascaded down in an unharmonized orchestra of clinks. Ah, another one of these arguments. It was similar to the one Tom had with Edd right before he got kicked out of his flat. He didn't really expect to have this conversation with Tord though.

"I... I feel like that's the only reason why you come back here," Tord's voice held an undertone of hurt.

It wasn't like he was wrong. He didn't need anybody or anything in this world besides his alcohol. Frustrated and angered, Tom grabbed his brown bag, scooped up the shards of glass, and slammed them into the trash. The selfish motherfucker had taken away the one thing that could let him escape this hell hole.

"Not remembering the shit that happened last night doesn't mean that it didn't happen," Tord continued.

"Well, now they're going to happen and I'm going to remember it," Tom snapped.

"You know, you're a pain in the ass to deal with. Now I understand why Edd kick you out."

Tord crossed a line.

"At least I'm not some lovesick communist bastard," Tom lashed out, "I fuck hate you! There's no need to kick me out cause I'm leav-!"

Tom's head snapped to the side as the impact caused a flash of white to flash across his vision. His cheek stung and it took him a second to realize Tord had slapped him. Tom clocked him in the jaw almost instantly; his action more of a reaction than anything.

"You want to go?" Tom's loneliness, frustration, and hurt feelings easily converted into anger. It was always so much easier to feel angry rather than hurt and vulnerable.

Tom's question wasn't really a question as he tackled Tord before he could answer. The two grappled together for a couple of seconds before Tord tried to toss Tom to the ground. Tom stumbled back a couple of steps then swung at Tord. Tom clocked him square in the nose while he grabbed a chair. Tord slammed it into his side and Tom hissed in pain. But the adrenaline of the fight kept him going. Tom kicked Tord in the shin and they both swung at each other. They smacked at each other's faces for a bit before Tord caught one of his arms and body checked Tom. Tom tripped landing on his tail bone with a yelp. He winced, blocking his face with his arms, expecting a kick or something. When nothing came, he looked up. Tord was walking away, hand under his nose which was steadily dripping blood. 

"I hate you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of the pacing? I mean, there aren't any filler chapters in this story, expect maybe this last one, but I just want to make sure the problems aren't occurring and then being solved too quickly. Let me know what you think. I'd appericiate it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide attempt

"I hate you."

With that, Tord entered his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. The words stung. Why did he care about what Tord thought? He was going to leave and never see him again anyways. Tom slowly walked over to the bedroom door.

"Tord?"

No answer. Tom frowned, maybe it was for the best if they just went their separate ways. But Tord really was the only person he had left. Everyone else had left him or kicked him out. Tom slumped against the door, sliding down to a sitting position. He pulled his knees up against his chest and buried his face in his arms. He really had nobody now. His drinking problem seemed to push everyone away. Maybe it wasn't even the alcohol. Maybe it was just him. He was unlovable. 

"Tord, I'm sorry."

Still no answer. Maybe he has said one too many sorry's. If he were a better person, he wouldn't be in this predicament. Tom could feel his chest seizing up. Sadness welled in it, overwhelming his senses. Tom closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. He slowly fought the feeling away. But once it was gone, Tom was only left feeling empty and hollow. He hated this feeling. It, in particular, seemed to suck the soul out of him. Tom was desperate to rid himself of these feeling. Usually, this was the opportune moment to pull out a bottle of Smirnoff. But Tord had destroyed all of the alcohol. He sat with the feeling, waiting for Tord to come out of his room.

He was so alone. It was worse than feeling trapped. He was also exhausted. Taking another breath was tiring. Just living was exhausting. He felt like he was participating in a pointless argument. He should just give up; it would be better for everyone. So why didn't he? What could he possibly be waiting for? 

" _NO_ ," Tom shook his head, " _I'm just getting swamped by my thoughts._ "

He wasn't going to be making any stupid decisions tonight. He was going to stay with his back pressed against Tord's door. But maybe this was a way out. An out from nature's instinctive urge to fight an unwinnable battle. Generations of breeding made it so that every living thing instinctively fought to stay alive. But maybe it was just pointless. He was only prolonging his suffering. Life only got harder from here anyways. He really needed a drink. It was the only thing that could drown out these invasive thoughts. The only thing that could allow him to prolong his suffering in this fucking world. 

Fuck staying next to Tord's door. The ground was hard and it was making his butt hurt. He stood up and headed towards the couch. He stopped about halfway. Why not try to get high? Tom had never tried it before, alcohol was always more easily in reach and it always did the trick. But he'd heard about robotripping, or getting high off cough syrup. Of course, he'd also heard not to do it and that it was similar to getting drunk because it inebriated you. And Tom was no stranger to that.

Tord was bound to have some. Tom started looking through the cabinets, finding the meds in the 5th one he searched. It turned out that Tord didn't have any cough syrup but he did have pills. They both had DMX so it should be fine right? Tom fathered the one that had the highest concentration per pill, Mucinex DM. He scoffed at the warning about addiction on the back. It was just that one time. Plus he deserved a break after all that had happened to him. This kinda was and kinda wasn't Tord's fault as well. He was the one who had taken all of the alcohol making him have resort to desperate measures. Fuck Tord and his trying to help him; he was only hurting him in the end.

Tom filled himself a big cup of water, pushing ten tablets out of their package. Ten was enough right? He really didn't know. He should start with that much and then take more if needed. They weren't super small so Tom popped two into his mouth. About six in, he began to gag. His body recoiling as he tried to swallow the last four. He choked them down, finishing off the water with an exhausted sigh. That was a lot of work to fight his damn gag reflex.

" _What now?_ " Tom shrugged tossing the remaining pills down on the kitchen counter and taking a seat on the couch.

He heard the bedroom door open, but he didn't bother to turn and look at Tord. They both didn't say anything to each other. There was some rustling as Tord got whatever he wanted and then returned to his room. Tom turned on the TV when he left, wanting to distract himself. How was he going to know if it was working? Probably he was going to start feeling better. He wondered if he was going to see some hallucinations. If he did, he needed to remember that they weren't real. And to not look like an idiot screaming about some dumb hallucinations.

* * *

 

Tom waited for 50 minutes and nothing seemed to be happening. He was feeling worse rather than better and several times more desperate. He had yet to see any hallucinations or any aspect of the drug for that matter. He needed to take more. He must not have taken enough. And all that waiting to get high did was make him more depressed as he wallowed in his feelings. They swelled back and forth, rocking in his brain. Tom got off the couch and picked up the box of Mucinex. He popped out five pills staring as they spun on the marble counter. There were only four left. Maybe he should finish off the packet?

If ten didn't work, then why not nine more? He should take a couple extra to make sure that it worked anyways. He popped out the remaining pills and scooped up the pills listening as they clicked in his hand. It occurred to him that this might be dangerous. He could get sick. He could get really sick. He could...die. But he was desperate. What was the point of living if he was going to feel like this?

" _Whatever happens, happens God,_ " Tom never really was that religious. But for some reason, he felt better if he put control of his decisions in someone else's hands. 

He wasn't scared as he pulled his cup back out of the sink, filled it with water and started sucking down the rest of the pills. HIs stomach heaved as if it knew what he was doing was terrible. He took a seat on the couch, lounging as if it was a regular night. It still was. He was watching the TV disinterestedly; then everything blacked out.


	8. Chapter 8

He needs to throw up. The world is rocking like he's in a boat in a stormy ocean. He can't see, his eyes are open, but the world is spinning so fast that it blurred all the colors. His body lurched forward and he's barely able to stop himself from puking. He swallowed a couple of times, hating the bad taste in his mouth. But he is barely aware of what's going on. He's barely aware that he's throwing up. When was he throwing up again? 

Out of the blurred mixture of colors, comes the rising tsunami of puke. He should run but his body can't move. The tidal wave of puke hits him and his room sinks into its chunky abyss. He's drowning, he can't breathe! Tom tries to swim but he can't move. His arms are like lead and they only pull him down faster. He kicks his legs out but they're discoordinated and shakey. Tom doesn't even know where the surface is. There nothing else to do but get sucked down into the dizzying waves of vomit. HE CAN'T BREATHE...

* * *

He's taking more pills. He's sick of them and he doesn't want to swallow any more but he can't stop. THEY'RE MAKING HIM SICK. He's crying as he pops several more pills into his mouth and swallows them. His body recoils. Edd runs up to him and grabs his arms. He shouting words at him but he can't make sense of them. It's all just meaningless noise. At least he can't take any more pills. Edd's rushing him to the ER, the doctors are all around him, shouting more meaningless words. He blinks. 

He's taking more pills. He's sick of them and he doesn't want to swallow any more but he can't stop. THEY'RE MAKING HIM SICK. He's crying as he pops several more pills into his mouth and swallows them. His body recoils. Edd runs up to him and grabs his arms. He shouting words at him but he can't make sense of them. It's all just meaningless noise. At least he can't take any more pills. Edd's rushing him to the ER, the doctors are all around him, shouting more meaningless words. He blinks. 

He's taking more pills. He's sick of them...

* * *

 The world's melting together. The colors mix and swarm in front of his eyes. Where even is he? Faces flash out at him and they're scary. That's the only thing Tom can think about them before they're gone, melding back into the sea of colors. He comes face to face with one of the faces. Its features aren't correct. More eyes than there should be mashed all around the face like a Mr. Potato Head gone wrong. Crazy symbols flashing in said eyes instead of pupils. And then there are several that have pitch black eyes. They look like his eyes, only they're terrifying. He blinks and they're all gone. Were they even there to begin with?

* * *

 " _I've...got to pee._ " The single clear thought cuts through the cloudy confusion in his brain. 

He's just got to get to the bathroom. It's right across the hall. But he might not even make it since he's having a hard enough time sitting up. Good thing he's got a lot of experience under his belt from being hammered. For once he's glad he's an alcoholic. It will all be worth it if he could just get to the bathroom to pee. He lifts his torso up and slides off the bed. Tom stumbles forward, his arms and head swaying with each movement. He's like a puppet with a couple of broken strings. But he only needs his legs. He slams against the wall and slides against it until he collapses onto the bathroom sink. Tom's able to slump on the toilet, take a piss, and pull up his pants. He's surprised he'd actually be able to get all of those things done with his state. 

He needs to get back to his bed because his legs are failing him. He slams down on the sink, groaning softly. His legs are shaking underneath him and he fights to stay standing. He looks into the mirror. An older version of himself stares back at him. He's got grey hair which sticks up crazily, he looks tired. But more importantly, he's in a straight jacket in a padded room.

" _I've gone crazy. I did this and now I'm going to be crazy and locked up for the rest of my days,_ " Tom mentally screamed.

Tom's legs gave out and he hears the sound of something breaking right before he hits the floor.

" _Maybe it was the candle that Tord always like to have on the sink_ ," Tom hopes that it's not something worse than that.

He can't get up. The lights aren't even on so he just sits in the dark. The blackness soon melts in unconsciousness.

* * *

 "Tom."

Tom blinked the world restarting around him. He still couldn't see. But it didn't really bother him anymore.

"Oh shit, Tom what's wrong?!"

Tom can feel his body seizing, it's like he's shivering so much he's practically vibrating. It's exhausting but he can't stop. Oh ya, someone was trying to talk to him. His mind cleared for a second. He could see the light shining directly into his eyes and was slightly aware of the hand gripping his shoulder.

"Ahhh...Ahhh trip," Tom sputtered out.

"What did you do?"

"Whennt on ahh...triiip," Tom tried again.

"A trip? What? Tom, speak to me. Please."

There's a moment of silence and Tom's waiting for something to happen. Or maybe he'll die before anything happens. 

"Tom, did you take these?"

Tom can't see but he's pretty sure it's the empty Mucinex box being held up in front of his face.

"Sure," Tom responds. It's not really an answer but it's the best his brain can muster right now.

Next thing he knows he's on the couch again. He doesn't remember how he got here. Is he lying in his own puke? Eww. He can't control his body to check or lift himself up just in case. He can only stare at someone sitting in the doorway with his vision half obscured by a cover. Is the person his dad? Maybe they're calling his dad. Although he can't tell who is sitting in the doorway, the cover that is blocking half of his vision is super detailed. The individual lines of the folds looked well defined. He focuses back on the doorway and the person's gone. He's alone again. But he's always alone so it doesn't really bother him. It doesn't really matter.

He's being dragged into a car by Tord. He blinks. His memory isn't fitting together right. There's a piece missing. He's ragdolling in Tord's arms which hooked under his shoulders. He's placed in the passenger seat and the seat belt is clicked into place. 

They're now in the middle of the road. Tom watches as several cars drive by while they wait at a red light. His mouth is dry as fuck and he wished he packed some water. He doubts there is any water in the car.

"I'm dying," Tom blurts out the first thing on his mind.

"I know. I know. I'm trying to get there as fast as I can." 

He distinctly thinks how his lips are so dry that they feel like two pieces of paper rubbing against each other. The world slowly fades to black even though he's sure his eyes are open. He's tired. The darkness at the back of his head is calling him. It's not scary. It's a promising comfort to take all your problem away. To give your brain a rest from the world...for just a second. Tom wants to sink into it, let it wrap around his head like a hug. It's not trying to suck him in; it doesn't need to. Tom understands why everyone dies. It's the realization that life is just as important as death. It's the acceptance of death. But for some reason he fights the feeling with all the strength he's got left.

" _Keep thinking. If you're thinking then you're not dead. Keeping thinking, keep thinking, keep thinking._ "

* * *

"Tom?"

Tom opened his eyes as Tord reaches for him. Then he's in a wheelchair. Then he's in a hospital bed. He's clumsily trying to put on an ER gown. Where's Tord?  There are people all around him and someone hurriedly tells him that they're going to put an IV in. Tom blinks, they're all skeletons. He doesn't understand. Is he dead? 

"Were you trying to kill yourself?"

The questions came out of the blue. Was he? The image in the mirror comes back to him and Tom is terrified of being thought as crazy.

"No."

The room's spinning so fast now. He knows that he's not moving at all, but it feels like he's one of those tops that he used to spin as a kid. Someone's trying to shine a light in his eye. The doctor's cross-eyed.

" _It's good to see that his situation doesn't stop him from being a doctor_ ," Tom thought.

They're wanting him to grab onto his silver bar. He can barely fix his gaze on it but he manages to lurch up to a sitting position and grab the bar. He can't get the room to stop spinning. It's getting so bad that he can't tell where he is, what's happening to him, or who's around him. He can't feel anything; he can't focus on anything else besides how bad the room is spinning.

He can't- He can't...

 


	9. Chapter 9

When Tom came too, the first thing he thought was how desperately he needed to pee. The first saw was Tord, who tried to cover the fact that he had been with a been crying with a smile. 

"How are you feeling?" Tord asked, moving so that he was standing right next to Tom.

"Like shit," Tom replied, "I need to piss."

The nurse in the room moved to his side and Tom stared at him. Was he going to have to pee in front of him? It looks like so as the guy lowered the bed rail. Thankfully Tord helped him up instead and held him while he tried his best to aim in the toilet. Fatigue was hitting him hard and by the time he had gotten back into bed, he was exhausted.

"Have a good night's sleep," was the last thing Tom heard. 

* * *

When Tom woke up, the floor flooded with blood. He stared for a second wondering if he was still trapped in his hallucinations, stuck in the stupid loop. He was scared to blink for fear that everything was going to start all over again. He needed to pee again but he didn't to wade through the blood. It seemed that Tord and the nurse in the room had no problem though. 

" _Don't look crazy_ ," Tom reminded himself.

He settled back into the bed, poking at the 10+ wires that were connected from these sticky pads on his body to a large machine. He could hear the steady monitor of his heartbeat letting out beeps every so often. He remembered that the monitor was one of the few clear things that he could see when he was hallucinating.

"Why do I have these on?" Tom sighed, hating how he felt tied down.

"Your heart rate was way too fast," Tord pulled his chair over to the side of the bed, "Are you feeling better?"

"A little," Tom said.

"I called Edd and Matt, they'll be over soon." Tord informed him, "Well, not Matt. Edd says that he's too scared to come. Something about not wanting to see you like this."

A mixture of panic and guilt shot through Tom's chest.

"Edd?!" Tom yelped.

"Ya, what's wrong with that?" Tord asked.

"Nothing, nothing. I'm just...nervous to see him." Tom murmured.

"Can I ask you something?" Tord seemed nervous.

"Sure, fire away," Tom sighed.

"Why?"

It took Tom a moment to understand what he was asking.

"Oh. It was an accident. I didn't mean to." Tom said the first thing that came to mind.

It was an accident, right? Or maybe it was a mistake. He wasn't sure. Was he even lying if his answer would have been different if you had asked him in the morning rather than in the night?

"19 doesn't seem like an accident." Tord murmured, but he didn't push it, "You know I would be devastated if something happened to you."

"I know," Tom replied, he didn't need Tord to tell him that. He could already see part of that devastation on his face. They both knew how close they came to losing him.

Knowing that only made Tom feel hollow. Guess his 'God' decided for him to live; the number of pills along with the amount of time they had been in his system should have done him in. He yawned and Tord gently took his hand in his, rubbing his knuckles.

"You can go to sleep if you want," Tord smiled.

Tom nodded letting the lingering rocking feeling rock him to sleep.

* * *

 "Hey, you want to eat something?"

Tom cracked an eye open to see a sandwich of some sort in his face.

"Do you have any water?" Tom asked he was still desperately thirsty. You'd think they could have given him water through his IV.

Tord held a cup out to him and Tom took the straw in his mouth. He eagerly sucked down the whole content of the cup, settling back down with a satisfied sigh. Tord took a seat at the edge of his bed.

"Tom!"

Tom looked over to see Edd beaming as he entered the room. He obviously wasn't upset otherwise he would be making that face; his classic 'I'm fine' face. However, by the way he was looking at him, it was safe to say that he hadn't seen the pictures. Yet. That also meant that Eduardo only told him he was going to show Edd the photos to make him isolate himself from his friends.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Edd hugged him so hard Tom felt like he was being strangled.

"I'm glad too," Was he really?

"That's good... What were you thinking!? Do you even know how terrified Matt and I was? Oh god, I'm so glad you're okay." Edd was practically smothering Tom as he gathered him in his arms.

Tom watched as the tangle of wires moved like a bunch of tiny snakes. Being lifted up like this also reminded him of how weak his body really was. He hadn't really done much besides drink water and pee. Tom heard Tord shift beside him. He looked over to see that he was giving Edd a hard stare. It was irritating how possessive Tord could be. 

"I'm sorry," Tom mumbled into Edd's chest. What else could he say?

"Well, Matt's glad that you're feeling better. He's sorry that he couldn't come." Edd ran a nervous hand through his hair. 

"That's okay," Tom played it off cool. 

It was for the best anyways. He didn't want his friends seeing him like this either.

"All we're waiting for is a psych eval. by the psychiatrist and then we can all go home. Let's head back to my place. Just like good old times," Edd offered.

"That would be great. I think it would be good if we all stayed close," Tord accepted.

" _So they can keep an eye on me_ ," Tom silently added.

Tord took a seat next to Tom on the bed. It creaked but held steady under everyone's weight. 

"I have to ask, did you break my candle?" Tord asked.

"So that's what broke," Tom hummed.

"I mean, it's still usable so I'm keeping it," Tord smiled.

"Only you would keep a broken candle," Tom laughed, "Glad to hear it survived the ordeal."

The all started laughing, Tord and Edd hugging Tom again. They were okay. He was okay. THiS C0U7DN't LasT FoR3VER. And just like that, the moment was effectively ruined for Tom. He watched as Tord and Edd's laughing started turning into crying. He couldn't feel happy right now. He couldn't feel sad. He just felt hollow.


	10. Chapter 10

Tom walked out of the ER, both his friends helping him take his first few shaky steps. He had only been able to get out of going inpatient as he insisted that he wasn't trying to kill himself, that it was just an accidental overdose while trying to get high. Heck, he had said it so much, he was starting to believe it himself. It was for the better anyways, the last thing he wanted was to be far away from his friends. He'd be feeling alone while surrounded by other people. At least it would be people who knew. As he sat in the car, Tom nodded off to sleep.

Tord woke him up when they had arrived at Edd's house. Tom shakily walked up to the door, still feeling a slight rocking feeling. It had been a long time since he had been in Edd's house. So much had happened. Tord and he had broken up, he ran around of the street for a bit, that thing with Eduardo, and now his overdose. He stared at it for a second before realizing that both Tord and Edd were standing behind him, patiently waiting for him to move to the side so that they could open the door. They probably knew that Tom was thinking and didn't want to interrupt him. Tom took a step aside and Edd stuck his key into the door, swinging it open.

"After you," Edd gestured for him to go in.

Tom walked inside, awkwardly meeting eyes with Matt. They stared at each other for a second before Matt stood wordlessly up and headed for his room. 

" _He so upset, he doesn't want to talk to me right now. He can't even face me._ " Tom physically drooped as he watched his former roommate leave.

"Come on, Tom!" Tord grabbed him, swinging him onto the couch, "Let's watch some TV together. I'll let you choose."

it was obvious that Tord had noticed the interaction between the two and was trying to keep Tom's mind off it. Tom decided to throw Tord a bone and nodded. Tord dropped onto the couch, making Tom's side almost throw him off.

"Careful," Tom squawked.

Tord chuckled, ruffling his hair as he tossed the TV remote to him.

"So," Edd took a seat next to Tom, "How have you and Tord been?"

"It's been a little bit rough between us but it's-"

"Fine." Tom interrupted.

The two both looked at each other, their expression definitely saying they were going to talk about it later.

"Can we not talk about it later?!" Tom blurted out, "Ugh. Stop getting in my business."

"We weren't," Tord said.

"You're a terrible lier," Tom spat, even though right now he was just guessing.

It seemed that he had guessed right as Tord looked away guiltily. Bingo. He knew it. Tom turned on the TV, typing in a random number before throwing it onto the coffee table. Ugh, in order to deal with the both of them he needed a drin- no bad Tom. No more drinking. Wasn't overdosing enough to get it through his head? His addiction was a big problem that it had eventually led to his almost death. Maybe it wasn't by alcohol but it was caused by the lack of it. Tom mentally scoffed, watching the Doctor Why episode playing on TV. He hated it but he was too lazy to pick up the remote and change it. He knew Tord hated it even more but he had told Tom that he would let him choose. He frowned but said nothing. What a champ. 

Tord leaned in to give Tom a kiss. Tom's body reacted before he could think and he tumbled off the couch, eyes white. The breath on his skin, the closeness of another person, he just couldn't.

"Wow, I really gotta pee," Tom uttered out the first excuse that came to his mind and scrambled towards the bathroom.

He didn't stay long enough to see Tord or Edd's expression. Instead, he locked himself in the bathroom.

" _It's okay. It's just Tord. If you keep acting like this, they're going to catch on that something's wrong with you._ " Tom tried to calm himself down with deep breaths but the panic building in his chest rose steadily, undeterred. 

The only way out of it was to cast his feelings into an ocean of apathy.

" _Why do you care so much? You're not sticking around anyways. Just wait for everyone to get tired of you then you're gone. You're...free._ " Tom could feel the hollow feeling taking over the panic.

He stood up and looked into the mirror. His eyes were lowering into a half-lidded gaze, an uninterested look crossing over his face. He hated the way he looked, only emphasized by his hallucinations of people with black eyes. He covered one of them with a hand, imagining how much better he would look if he just had normal colored eyes. Maybe a nice blue color. Or brown would be okay too. Anything but all black. Ugly and scary, he was just as worthless on the inside as the out. 

Tom exited the bathroom, letting Edd and Tord know that he was tired and heading to bed. They gave him a concerned look that he couldn't care about as he trudged into his bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and buried his head in his hands. Everything was too much. Thinking was too much. Breathing was too much. The constant beating of his heart was too much. 

"Tom?"

Tom knew it was Tord even though he didn't look up.

"Did Edd put you up to this?" Tom grumbled. Why couldn't Tord just leave him alone?

"Yes. But I also came in here because I'm worried about you," Tord took a seat next to him.

Tom tried to think of what he could say that would get the conversation to end as quickly as possible.

"I know I'm acting a little off. Everything's just a little overwhelming right now," Tom said, scooting away from Tord and further onto the bed.

Hopefully Tord would maybe say a word or two and then leave him alone.

"Okay. If you need to talk, I'm here." Tord said.

" _Fine. Can you leave now?_ " Tom mentally hurried Tord.

"Just to let you know, your  old room got turned into a swimming pool so we're both sharing this one." Tord hummed.

Sharing a room...sharing a bed....sleeping with another person right next to him. 

"Yep, that's fine," Tom choked out. 

No it wasn't. But nobody need to know that. He's just making a big deal over something so small and stupid. 

"Cool." Tord laid down, tucking his arms behind his head, "I'm feeling pretty tired so I'm going to head to bed early too."

Tom knew that Tord probably just wanted to stay close to him. That he would probably be clingy like this for the next few days at least. He had almost lost Tom so he probably wouldn't be willing to leave his side. Which meant that Tom would have to keep the mask on for as long as Tord was around him. Tom stiffened as Tord wrapped an arm around him and went to pull him closer.

"Errr, not today," Tom wiggled out of his grasp, "I just really need some space right now."

"Oh...okay," Tord rolled over so he wasn't facing Tom anymore.

He was disappointed in him, wasn't he? He hated him and he was one of the only people he had left. The whole situation was like one big trap. He couldn't stand being touched right now but if he didn't do this, then Tord might leave him. There was no walking away from this situation feeling happy. Either choice, he was going to be upset. 

"Wait! You know what? I actually could use a hug," Tom all but threw himself at Tord and wedged himself under his arm.

Tom felt Tord's chest rumble with some sort of guttural noise of happiness. One of Tord's legs hiked itself over Tom's waist as Tord practically engulfed him. 

"I'm so glad you're okay. I love you so much. I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you," Tord mumbled, nuzzling his head into Tom's back.

He cared! But he also cared. He couldn't stand the idea of his "ex" leaving him but he couldn't kill himself knowing it would leave Tord devastated like so. He was stuck again. How did he keep ending up in these situations?


End file.
